Re-Learning to Learn
Recently I started to re-learn computer programming. It was role that I had earlier in my career before I joined dark side by becoming a Project Manager. There are multiple reasons why I chose to learn the program again – but one of them was to discover new ways of learning.
Sure enough I fell in the same pattern of: 1. buying a book (well, lots of books) 2. reading one cover to cover and then 3. discovering that I had forgotten most of what I read and could barely use any of it to solve basic problems.
Since then I have subscribed to newsletters and emails that point out what these pitfalls are. However, in order to learn in a better way requires paying for a course that at the moment I am reluctant to spend money on.
Wheels Came Off
Another reason for re-learning to program is that it provides a sense of achievement. On the path of mystical and magical development it can sometimes feel like going a long time before making any progress. Perhaps this is why some magical orders have grades – to give people that sense of advancement and achievement. Or perhaps they like wearing robes and strange hats.
The issue with my particular path is that I get in to a regular practice, start to do more advanced forms of letter permutation and then suddenly stop. It’s like I’ve gone off-road for a bit and the wheels just came off. Literally it feels like coming to a crashing halt and for awhile afterwards I don’t do any meditation at all.
Hence why I started looking in to other ways of learning – to see what other approaches to take. This is part and parcel of getting out of The Dip (see book by Seth Godin). It’s what I call “Attacking a problem from multiple angles”. But sometimes the best thing to do is not attack it at all and just wait it out.
There Cannot Be Two Skies
Perhaps one of the reasons why my practice keeps coming to a crashing halt is that I have unresolved blockages that need to be remedied. The “body” overloads and shuts down to protect itself.
Another reason that might be a root cause is my unresolved question of: am I a mystic or magician? My definitions for those terms in the context of this question are related to the end goal. Am I practising these techniques in service to the Divine? Or for personal gain?
Almost all the great Kabbalists in Jewish history were also well renowned Rabbis with vast knowledge of the revealed Torah and were masters of Jewish law. For example Rabbi Joseph Karo, the Vilna Gaon, and Rabbi Akiva.
Until this question is resolved, I think that the same pattern of “advancement & halt” is liable to repeat itself…