Friday, 15 June 2012

Reclaiming Our Sunshine

“It’s the sunshine!” my eldest child exclaims every morning, waking the other members of the household.

“It’s the sunshine!” the child’s voice rings out with exuberance and jubilation.

Rise up! Rise up! Fellow practitioners of this fair triple isle and reclaim the sunshine. It’s mid-June and the oracles of BBC weather services are predicting yet more rain. I don’t care what the weather man says may just be a song, but I’ve adopted it as a call to arms.

To my limited knowledge, the Battle of Britain was not won by shooting down more enemy fighter planes and bombers. Dog fights between fighters often led to pilots fighting for Britain (which included a significant number of Polish-born pilots) being shot down over the English Channel.

Instead the main focus was to disrupt bombing raids by the Germans. If the bomber wings could be disrupted, then the air campaign would eventually be lost and that is (to my limited knowledge) what happened.

So how is this information of use for increasing the amount of sunshine in the UK? My proposed answer is, let’s model the fight for sunshine on the tactics used in the Battle of Britain. If we can disrupt the rain clouds as they reach these isles then the rain can be reduced or even stopped.

But how do you fight clouds you may ask?

Here are my proposed strategies:

  • Summon sylphs and spirits of the air to divert the clouds
  • Call to the East wind to send hot winds across the isles and force the clouds to retreat
  • Perform a sun dance. Meditate on the sensation of sunshine warming your skin. Then do a vigorous dance or exercise and hold on to that feeling/vision for all you’re worth.* 
  • Use telekinesis to push the clouds away or break them in to smaller pieces until they lose their cohesion
  • Ask a friend in a water poor country to do a rain dance, and then when the clouds appear in the UK challenge them and say “surely you would provide more blessing in the lands of my friends?”**
  • Shield your cities and residences with winds in the higher atmosphere to carry the rain away as it’s falling
  • Sit outside on a cloudless day and wait for a cloud to appear, it works almost as well as waiting for a kettle to boil
* - Please bear in mind that there is a fine but very important line between worshipping the sun and simply acknowledging where it fits in to the hierarchy of creation. The sun like all things has a time, place and purpose.
** - I’ll be using this approach to encourage the clouds to visit the people of Canada and bless them with their rainfall.

And now in closing I will utterly butcher a famous quote from Shakespeare's "Richard The Third Act 1, scene 1, 1-4":

Now is the summer to be content
Make glorious summer by Arte and lore;
And all the clouds that would low'r upon our houses
In the deep bosom of the ocean let their rain be buried.