It's week 13 of the official 2011 NFL Regular Season, today's match is against the New Orleans Saints. Since this match had something of a feel of a spiritual battle to it, I decided not to focus on any links to lions and saints in the Book of Daniel and instead called a contact for help.
“Tet, aleph, aleph,” the strongly accented voice answered once my call had finally connected. “Nu? Please state the nature of your tzoress?”
“Uh, it's me Simon Tomasi.” Although the voice sounded right, I was not sure whom I was talking to or whether he would help. “With whom am I speaking?”
“This is Reb Bar-zel Arieh Tzion speaking. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Did you say Shimon Tomski? You're dat... what's it you call yourself?”
“A Trainee Golem Builder.”
“Oh yeah,” Rabbi Tzion's laughter was deep and throaty. “How's dat working for you? Build any Golems yet?”
“No,” I took a deep breath to summon up more courage. “Listen Rabbi Bar-zel, I need to ask a favour.”
“Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Are you the shmuck who's just turned my life upside down? Der's a bunch of nefashot bouncing around here all saying dey want to 'play ball' and go the gantze 'nine yards'.”
Now it was turn to be surprised. “Are you saying Rabbi that there are soul sparks by you at the moment. You see I've been doing research on the topic of ibburs and had this idea to invite the souls of departed players from the Hall of Fame...”
“Hey, Shimonele,” Reb Bar-zel said cutting me off with little patience in his tone. “On a scale of genius to stoopid, dis idea much more the latter than the former. Get it?”
“Uh,” I tried to think of some way to salvage my idea without success. “Does this mean that you will not help me with this idea to help the Detroit Lions win against the New Orleans Saints?”
“So what should I do?”
“Meditation and Kabbalah, pages 90 to 91.” He paused as if considering what to say next. Then he hung up.
Final score: Detroit Lions vs. New Orleans Saints: Loss 17 - 31